The Sounds and Smells He Makes

I have been married for 34 years. And in that time I have learned of the sounds men make,  sounds that they kept hidden while we were dating, now have no reserve and come whenever and with no effort to hide.  In fact, they come with regaled laughter.  With a husband who is 10 years older than myself, those sounds (and smells) have now become louder and longer in their execution.  

Picture three blue eyed, blond or auburn haired girls, growing up at a dinner table with contests between them and dad, longest, loudest, smelliest.  Yes, you read correctly, girls, dinner table, contest.  So now he has no competitors, and that leaves me to be the judge, jury and recipient. It is not uncommon for him to leave the room, all the while crop dusting me and the dog from doorway, down the stairs, into the kitchen.  He times his performance and shouts his own praises for volume, length and the 'hang time." The only thing worse, is if you are in bed at the time.  Then he performs a 'Cleveland Steamer' throwing the covers over your head, and not letting you out to get some fresh air.  

Now you know why, my husband thinks getting a colonoscopy is the best prevention test on earth.  Those of you who have had one--starting at 50 as the AMA has suggested--understand the side effects. 

He will not hold the title too much longer.  My colonoscopy is scheduled for next week.